Author Archives: T-Spazz

And so it begins…

Nearly a year ago, I alluded to an Epic Undertaking of Stupidity, the likes of which entire multi-cultural pantheons of gods, goddesses, demons, and false idols alike had never seen.

This Epic Undertaking was to involve me, a metric ass-ton of wood, and a smattering of sharp objects, power tools, and possibly even a chain saw.

This Epic Undertaking screamed “BAD IDEA!” from atop the highest peak of the mountain of Idiocy. And yet, with equal gusto, I bellowed back “SIGN ME UP!” just as any self-respecting individual with the word “Spazz” in their name ought to do.

And now, at long last, the Epic Undertaking of Stupidity has begun.

My previous Profoundly Nerdy Academic Undertaking ended prematurely, but thankfully resulted in a Profoundly Nerdy and Very Well Paying Day Job that now acts as an enabler to my increasingly terrible (read: awesome) ideas. In other words, I quit grad school and got a real job, and now I can afford to buy a metric ass-ton of basswood.

So I did.

A big old pile of wood

To be fair, I wouldn’t even call this an “ass-ton” as measured in the English system, because it’s really only enough wood to carve a single horse’s head and neck.

And it weighs a bazillion pounds.

(Note to self: carousel horses are REALLY HEAVY.)

I also managed to successfully scale up my first sketch from notebook size to real-life carousel size. My clever little self bogarted a projector in one of the conference rooms after hours and traced the drawing onto an enormous sheet of paper.

Unfortunately the proportions weren’t quite right once it was scaled up, and it took several hours of work to finally get it to look not-stupid. But alas, this too has finally been achieved. Except for the front legs, but that’s for another day.

The next step is to rough out the head with my bandsaw (see previous entry on the Epic Bandsaw Adventure, featuring Libosaurus) and composite the wood into a block that is roughly the size of a small horse’s head.

Stay tuned for more installments of Happy Fun Adventure Time with your host T-Spazz! If you want to check out the highlight reel, tune in to picycle.wordpress.com. But if you prefer the behind-the-scenes bloopers, don’t touch that dial: We got all the Bad Ideas you could ever need, right here.

The Bad Idea Project: Failing at life so you don’t have to. You’re welcome!

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And… we’re back!

Interviewer Jim:  Welcome back! With me today we have T-Spazz of the Bad Idea Newsletter, to explain her relative silence for the past two months. Welcome, T-Spazz!

*applause*

T-Spazz: Thanks, Jim, it’s a pleasure to be here.

Jim: So T… Can I call you T?

T-Spazz: Sure thing, Jimbo.

Jim: OK. So nearly two months have passed, and you haven’t posted anything on the Bad Idea Newsletter blog. Does that mean you haven’t had any bad ideas in nearly two months?

T-Spazz: Oh, heavens no, Jimbo-lina. For me, a day without a bad idea is like a day without sunshine. Not only would that suck a lot, but it would also mean that the world ended. And now that I think about it, that would suck, too.

Jim: OK… so what *have* you been up to?

T-Spazz: Well, Jimbo-licious, a lot of things. I’d say the highlights have been playing a kick-ass show in Albany with my band, drawing some badass horses for my carousel, and carving my first bird out of butternut wood.

Jim: Sounds like quite a productive two months!

T-Spazz: Oh yes. I’ve been quite busy.

Jim: So does this mean an end to the ridiculous, half-executed bad ideas that plagued the fall?

T-Spazz: Not at all, J-Blow. I’d say the low-lights of the past two months include making a dress that didn’t fit at all, knitting a sweater that was too small, followed by completely ripping it out, re-writing the pattern and starting again, and spending the entire first week of the New Year sleeping for 16 hours a day.

Jim: Well that sounds more like the T-Spazz we all know and love! *laughs*

T-Spazz: It sure does, Jim-Bop-a-Wow-Wow, it sure does.

Jim: Well thanks so much for dropping in to share your exploits of the past few months with us! We hope to hear from you more regularly in the coming months.

T-Spazz: Abso-friggin’-lutely, Ja-Na-Na-Na.

Jim: T-Spazz, everyone!

*applause*

Be nice to me, or you might end up with this in your bed.

Like A M-F’ing Adult!

Those of you who know me are aware of my “day job” – my Bruce Wayne identity, if you will – and are aware that it is profoundly nerdy. And often involves wearing black plastic-rimmed glasses.

Happily, we are on break for Thanksgiving for the next week and a half, because both of my Monday classes were cancelled, and I was able to postpone a Tuesday meeting until the following week. This means I have eight whole days to do whatever I want!

Which of course means catching up work that I put off over the semester, and also on things that have piled up at home in my absence.

So I made a nice neat list of things I wanted to accomplish, and placed them in priority order (ah, the joys of OneNote).

Is CLEAN ALL THE THINGS! on that list? Nope! Am I doing it anyway? Youbetcha!

I suppose that really falls into the category of Good Idea, as it really needs to get done, but it certainly isn’t what I planned to do today. Or probably for the rest of the weekend (or at least until I get bored). But I’m going to run with it anyway.

And as a quick update to an earlier post, the picture scanning is still in progress… although I didn’t get everything done in time to use my Groupon (despite a desperate attempt at 11:37pm on the night it expired to get an album thrown together). But we discovered that, while the awesome value of $100 for $35 expired on that date, we still get to use the original $35 we spent on the Groupon in the first place. So I didn’t feel too horrible about having it expire, because at least it wasn’t a total waste of money. I still have about 120-ish pictures left to scan, then I have to organize them, make up an album, and get it printed… but it will happen. Eventually. After I CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!

My enablers

So one of my biggest Bad Ideas is still in its infancy but making some creeping progress, so I will reveal its nature right here, right now.

But first, a story.

Part of this Big Bad Idea involves learning woodcarving. To get started on this, I need access to a band saw. Since no one I’ve asked so far has one, I decided to call my dad to see if he or my grandfather had one.

Me: I have a random question for you…

Dad: OK, shoot.

Me: Do we have a band saw?

Dad: No… Pa (my grandfather) used to have one (he was a builder), but he sold it years ago. Why?

Me: Well… me and some friends want to build a carousel, and I need to learn to carve wood.

Dad: Ooh, that’s a great idea! Yeah, a band saw would be the best for that, since you’ll probably be cutting pieces… what, about 2 inches thick?

etc.

Note the distinct lack of “Uh, carousel?” “Shouldn’t you be studying?” or just plain ol’ “WTF?”  Nope… apparently it’s a “great idea.”

Gets better.

Dad: So how big are you planning to make it?

Me: So we thought we’d start with a small one, just four figures.

Dad: Like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?

Me: Um… yes, actually… exactly like that.

Dad: Nice.

Ha.

Me: Actually the idea came to me while I was at Burning Man, so we might make it an Art Car and mount the carousel on a pickup truck once we’ve removed the bed.

Dad: Ooh, that sounds really neat! I’d love to help if there’s anything I can do…

So there you have it.

The company I am starting to further this endeavor is called Picycle, and will soon have its own blog going at picycle.wordpress.com. Feel free to follow me over there as well.

This only encourages the crazy.

Every so often, something good will come out of a Bad Idea. Or at least it seems good. For certain definitions of “good,” which are, of course, usually bad.

Anyway.

Nearly two years ago, I impulsively responded to the Craigslist ad of an electronic band looking for a female singer. I’d never really sang before (other than the occasional foray into my own “band,” which sounded pretty terrible and hardly counts), and certainly had never taken any voice lessons. Nonetheless, I threw caution to the wind, and figured nothing bad could possibly come of it, since if I sucked, they’d probably just ignore me. No harm, no foul.

A few rounds of black-box-style auditions later, I somehow got the job. The “band” turned out to be one very sweet, kinda geeky guy, who possessed talent and stage fright in equal (fairly significant) amounts.

After two years of various obstacles and diversions (as it turns out, he is one of us, which is probably part of why we get along so well despite usually wanting to strangle each other), we are finally about to complete a full-length album. We also performed live for the first time ever last week, opening for another band that was also very nice and kinda geeky (but which actually had three guys in it).

Since I likewise possess talent and stage fright in approximately equal (although slightly less significant) amounts, the performance pretty much consisted of him hiding behind a laptop and keyboard, and me clinging to the microphone with some kind of death grip, except without as much style as, say, Beth Gibbons of Portishead manages when clinging to the microphone as though if she were to let go, the weight of her pain would cause her to dissolve into a puddle of emotional turmoil on the floor next to her fallen cigarette ashes.

But alas, I submit photographic proof of yet another Bad Idea at least partially executed:

We may look all industrial chic, but we're mostly trying really f$king hard not to faint or puke.

 

Since my primary objective since childhood has been to play music at all available opportunities, I’m pretty proud of this one. I’ll be even more proud once the damn album is done.

And best(?!) of all, we get to do it again in a few weeks, as we’ll be playing in Albany in early December. Huzzah.

As an aside, our manager told me they had nearly a hundred people respond to that initial ad on Craigslist looking for a singer. How I ended up being “the one” with absolutely zero training or experience is still beyond me, especially in a city with so many professional and wannabe-professional alternative-style singers due to the close proximity of certain musically-oriented colleges.

But I’ve taken a whopping eight singing lessons since then, from a really excellent teacher (who actually used to sing for my bandmate’s other band), which helped immensely. I’ve also been told I sound like a cross between Natalie Merchant and Sarah McLachlin, which I take as a huge compliment, because they’re both fabulous (and gorgeous). Except when Master P uses too much pitch correction. Then I sound like the bastard child of Cher and T-Pain, which is much less complimentary (and I think I’ll skip the gold grills and thong-with-fishnets combo).

Picture This! …and that… and that…

So I don’t think it counts as “scope creep” if the project starts off as a doozy, but this one creeped a little before it even got started, so maybe it does.

Semantics.

Anywho… one of my long-time aspirations has been to gather, organize, and properly store all of my photographs. Part of my motivation is archival: I would be deeply disappointed if I lost them, as I enjoy looking through them from time to time and re-living all the stupidity memories. So I’d really like to have a digital copy of everything on a drive in my fire-proof safe, just in case.

The other part of my motivation is because I am nothing if not completely anal-retentive about organization. This does not mean I’ve achieved such a state of Organization-Next-To-Godliness, only that I aspire to it.

So the plan started with “Scan old photos for preservation” and eventually creeped up to “Search out all photos online of everything I’ve ever done in the entire history of the Universe and download” so that I can also have an archive of pictures that other people took of things I participated in.

Then I thought, “Hey, why stop there?! Wouldn’t it be nice to take the best of all those pictures and consolidate them into one neatly printed, hard-cover photo album covering the first 30 years of my life that can be easily perused while sipping a cup of tea during bouts of nostalgia? Why yes, that would be lovely!”

Now we’re creepin’!

In usual form, I went ahead and procured supplies for an un-started project by purchasing a Groupon for $100 worth of photo-related items such as nicely printed albums, and only paid $35 for it. I thought it would be a great idea to gather up all these photos and then get them printed in one nice, neat book.

And in usual form, it’s been nearly a year since I did this, which means the Groupon expires in three weeks. Go me.

So I now have a big ol’ pile of photos to scan, and a whole lotta time to spend on the internet searching for pictures taken by friends of stuff that I’ve done. I am determined to complete this Spectacular Ongoing Project by the Groupon deadline so I can use my awesome deal, and so I can cross it off the list.

Piles of photo albums

An explosion of photographic goodness

Updates will be forthcoming.

Reality Distortion Field

What normal people see:

What normal people see

A giant ball of string

What I see:

Sketch

Do not adjust your monitor.

And like Libosaurus, I can’t help the near-crazed compulsion that overtakes me when I decide that the Whole World needs to see what I see.

The pattern is only partially written, because I generally lack the patience to do all the math when I’m itching to get started on the actual creation of the item. Then of course I’m on a roll and I get to the point where I stopped writing the pattern… and I hit a wall (figuratively, luckily for me and the wall). I have to break my knitting momentum to go back and finish the pattern, which isn’t really a big deal but is still enough to be annoying.

Couple that with the fact that the stitch pattern I chose is a real $@%^# to get right (and is VERY unforgiving… I’ve probably definitely spent at least as much time un-knitting as knitting)… And I’m using Size 0 needles… And the bamboo “yarn” I selected isn’t much thicker than dental floss…

We’re now looking at a Total Completion Time that is best measured in years rather than hours (or days, even weeks).

Nonetheless, progress is happening, even if at a snail’s pace (without all the slime, of course), and so far the results are exactly as I pictured in my head. Which thrills me beyond belief and keeps me going.

Front of sweater

Phase I: Complete

To help encourage actual progress, I’ve made a Knitting Rule: I am only allowed to have two projects going at once (one at home, and one at school). I’m also not allowed to purchase yarn for any more projects until everything on my list is DONE (or, more realistically, I’m down to 2-3 projects left… that would be OK). I finished or frogged everything but the project above, and started on a really nice purple sweater that I will post in the next few days. So I have two projects in the works, and 10 others in the queue. I also still have a few bins full of yarn that isn’t destined for any particular project. At some point, I will go through it and either designate it or give it away, because I am so totally kicking ass like that.

Until then, I will continue to remind myself that I can’t really go out in public wearing half a sweater.

Chaos Ahoy!

Greetings, funseekers!

I’ve been dragging my feet on making a First Post because (a) Lib set the bar of Awesomely Bad so high that the pressure’s really on, and (b) I have so many Bad Ideas that I don’t really know where to begin.

OK, mostly B. Sorry for trying to throw you under the Crazy Bus there, Lib-o-saur… 😛

My Bad Ideas usually fall into two distinct categories:

  • Ridiculous applications of things I already know how to do. These can be particularly insidious, because they don’t SEEM like Bad Ideas initially. They BECOME Bad Ideas because I dramatically overestimate how many of them I can reasonably get done while still doing other things. Some examples:
  • I want to transform almost every ball of yarn I touch into some kind of awesome self-designed sweater. In theory, this is fine since (a) I know how to knit (extremely well, if I can toot my own horn for a sec here), (b) I know how to write patterns for self-designed garments, and (c) I probably already own whatever size needles I need to make this happen. It becomes a problem when I want to do this with EVERY BALL OF YARN IN THE WORLD OMG, such that I have no less than 4 22-gallon storage bins full of Future Sweaters in my basement. And if I do out the math, even if I quit doing everything other than eating chocolate and sleeping for 6 hours a night (you know, the bare necessities), it would take me something like 3 years to finish them all.
  • I want to write a ballet. I’m not crazy enough to think I can actually choreograph one (although if someone else wants to do this, I won’t stop you…), but I want to write one. Again, I play several different instruments, and know everything I need to know about the others to make this possible. I even own software such that I could write out the parts in a nice, neat, lovely printed format and have a virtual orchestra play it for me. But seriously? A ballet? I should really be writing a dissertation. Which was a whole other Bad Idea in itself.
  • Enormous projects that sound spectacular, but for which I possess none of the necessary skills. I’m a pro at this, and especially at getting other people excited for such projects. However, I often dramatically underestimate the learning curve on the skills I will need to execute such projects. My current Big Bad Idea falls into this category, but I’m not ready to divulge that one publicly just yet. Other examples might include:
  • Similar sewing troubles as recounted in previous entries by other conspirators. I am an OK sewer, but almost always take on MUCH bigger projects than my simple curtain-hemming skills can handle. As such, I get frustrated when I’m trying to Learn-As-I-Go, and usually end up ditching the project before it really has a chance.

However, I aspire not just to be a Generator of Bad Ideas, but also to be a Reliable Executor of Bad Ideas. I was greatly inspired by attending Burning Man this year, where I was surrounded by literally TENS OF THOUSANDS of people who would dream up completely ridiculous ideas… and then execute them… AND drag them out into the desert in the middle of nowhere so others could enjoy them! It was a transformative experience, but probably not in the traditionally-expected Burning Man sense.

So for my part, I’ve been trying to pare down the Lame Bad Ideas so I can focus on the Awesome Bad Ideas. This has been a process for me, and one where I’ve had to learn to let go of some projects that I know will never get done because my heart just isn’t in them anymore (if indeed it ever was in some cases). So while I will certainly be documenting many Bad Ideas here in this very blog, my goal is to document their progress and (hopeful) successful completion rather than just their conception.

So join me, yes? You know you love us. That’s why you’re here, and why we love you, too.